I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
