Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize