cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
