HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
