i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
