He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
