I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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