he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
