i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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