I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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