is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
