guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
