hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize