where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
