The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
