You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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