that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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