I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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