I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
