And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
