Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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