I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
