U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
