We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
