He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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