Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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