One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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