atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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