Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
