i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
