Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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