if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
