He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
