I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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