I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am available for nakedness
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