my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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