explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
