A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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