I CAN MOONWALK!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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