Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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