Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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