i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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