lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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