The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
