highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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