how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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