she woke up with a sticky ear
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
