and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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