I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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