ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
where am i from again
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
