I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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