This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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