Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
