i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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