They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
