I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
