I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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