We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
