First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
