Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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