Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
