my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
