It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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