so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
