I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
