Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
