Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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