if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
