from now on my penis is your penis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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