White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
