Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
