in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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