u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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