the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You made out with two different species that night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
