I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize