I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
