you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize