I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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