I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
