am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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