Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They are going to name an STD after you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
