Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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