u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mom said you looked used
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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