Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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