No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bring me that man meat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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