This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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