we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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