Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
