I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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