make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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