I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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