the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
