barbara walters just said penis...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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