the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
