Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
