i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
