the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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