You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
