Whatcha textin bout Willis?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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