I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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