Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
