Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
