Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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