I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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