Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
