Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
