i already hear my dad disowning me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
