There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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