Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
