I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize