You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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